You want what’s easy,

never worked or grown,

life is too short you think,

to make any effort at all.

you looked at the water,

dipped a toe in and pretended to swim,

told stories of commitment,

you never committed to at all.

what’s below the surface?

you’ve never cared to find out,

just scan quickly and flee,

So you’ll never have to doubt,

who you are or what,

questions ask too much.

just stay on the surface,

where you’re safe, it’s scary beneath,

and imagine you’ve tried,

while you stay right where you were.





The end

I honestly can’t believe you did this to me,

it seems your goal was to make me cry,

just to prove you can,

to show your power,

to bring in and reject,

and destroy.

You came to eat away the layers,

in attempt to find meaning,

but left just as quickly,

unconcerned for me.

it was so easy for you.

i wonder what it’s like,

to throw things away so easily,

and act without remorse,

or consideration.

that I might be human.

The end


Disappointment waiting in the kitchen,
I’ve seen what happens to a big dream.
Your smile is fading day by day,
As I consider what comes next,
We both know the end is coming,
We can imagine the summer being over.

I can’t hold you any longer.
I know what I did when we started.
But I’m convinced there’s happiness.
If only we can find it.

I don’t love you at all.
No matter how much I force myself to live,
There’s never a future that makes this worth it.



I am a product of a society I think is flawed.

I am partly made of that society.

It is in me.

It infleunces me.

It controls my thoughts.

Why I’m happy to eat one intelligent animal.

But not another.

And why I thought all princesses were white.

And everything else was slightly bad.



Somehow, after being this person for years.

Before I can remember.

I am supposed to be able to change.

To erase all those non-memories of  years of life.

That would require me to destroy myself in the process.

I don’t know that I’m prepared to do so.

Or if I know how.




I have another wedding to go to tomorrow. This time it’s not my best friend and I’m not in the wedding and I don’t care about them. I seriously question the concept of family. Why does anyone want people who don’t add anything to the event at their wedding? Is it simply because it’s polite and we’re too far down the path to change that? It’s such a faux pas that it can’t be done or you’ll never recover in your families eyes?

So a hundred or so people will be gathered. I’ll be at a table that literally 80% of aggressively dislike the people getting married. Hey but it’s family! A number of us were plotting how to escape. If it was up to me I would have flat out said no thanks but it’s out of my hands and my suggestion of going to the dessert this week and having car troubles on the way back was dismissed. My car has been acting up too. It was bullet proof.

I find it annoying that it’s hard for me to do things I enjoy. Do you like sex? Most people do. Imagine feeling like it’s a burden. That’s how good things feel to me a lot of the time. Now I have to deal with shitty things. Not shitty inevitable things in life, like a bad job or long hours or a soul sucking, degrading existence, but unnecessary social nonsense.

Thanks society for working this out.