I will never write an obligatory christmas blog


I’ve started writing this at 12:00 (California time). Happy christmas, all. I have almost no family. Haha. My old days consisted of a very busy day. Morning was present time. Afternoon was my aunt and uncle time (also some cousins). My grandma would show up and there would be more present time. (And family time, but really, for kids you just sit off to the side playing with new toys.) Then fun time was interrupted by too-much-food dinner time. Most of the food was strange garbage food, so I ate some turkey or something and forty rolls. People talked all day. Some laughs were had (by not me). My mom, dad, and brother were around all day. Of course, I grew up and became angsty and obnoxious. And the day started to change. My grandma died. One less person. My cousins got old and moved away. Three less people. My aunt and uncle moved to another state. Two less people. Presents were less play inducing. Still had my mom, dad, and brother. My brother, and later, I, moved away for school, but returned every christmas.

Tonight I sit in my childhood home nearly alone. My (other) grandma hurt herself a few days ago. In response my dad and brother went down to her house to help her get through her injuries. That leaves my mom and me.

Tomorrow, I will wake up, give my mom her present, open a few myself, with very little fanfare. The mood will be strange. It’s unavoidable. I won’t see my dad or brother. It will be quiet and simple. The festivities will be short and not very festive. It will be nice, don’t get me wrong, but it will be sad. Today I went to my friends house were a party was raging. People were drinking (old, gross people). People were talking too loud, laughing too much, and crowding me. It wasn’t bad. Even at our most busy, my days were never like that. My family is small. My relatives are spread out or hated or unknown. It was funny coming home to almost the exact opposite atmosphere. A loud house full of family and friends, to a house with just my mom. I don’t mind the quiet. I don’t mind muted atmosphere.

Will you be spending your day with family and friends? A party or a large dinner? Will it be a quiet day with only a few people?

I’ll enjoy my day but I will miss my dad and brother (and my hurt grandma who usually makes the trip).

I will never write an obligatory christmas blog