We could measure the distance between,
our thoughts and honesty,
Or we can step away from our homes,
and laugh at the shape of the moon.
You caught me without the fog,
blown clear by an extrinsic force,
Though, really, how many faces do you have,
And are we the same?
We fooled other bodies under clear skies,
returning in the safety reclusion,
Lies linger over empty glasses,
until we change shape again.
I want you to ruin me,
Tear me down.
I express a sense of worth I don’t believe I have.
Secretly, I want you to show me how worthless I am.
Destroy the fantasy of value.
Which takes the most absurd shapes.
Crushing others with my need to be validated.
I can’t love anyone who doesn’t hate me as much as I hate myself.
I was left alone too long.
Or couldn’t handle my own head.
Time is irrelevant when I’m involved,
I’ll catch up.
My mind is frozen,
Stuck in a hope or a dream,
In which the world was hand painted,
And we could be in love.
I write about you,
I think about you,
Always aware of the illusion the word creates,
You wouldn’t recognize the you I use,
Or a hundred of you will.
I am writing about you,
I am thinking about you.
Your husband died.
I found out about it online,
Not a friend of a friend,
There were times I could touch you,
I could look into your changing face,
While words passed between us freely,
I grew stronger and thought you looked brighter,
The two of us building adults out of blocks,
Pretending we weren’t the monsters.