Has wonder turned to angst then back to subjective wonder from an objective distance?
The inclusion of subjective and objective value has only recently been an area of interest and it is tough to swallow. The possibility that I may be living life wrong is a challenging idea. But it should be, shouldn’t it? It should be important to figure out if you’re doing this thing right or wasting your time. And you can define those terms however you like, but upon reflection, I think it’s important to be capable of justifying our lives to ourselves from an objective point of view.
How much do I resemble that kid who used to play in the backyard?
I can see all the things I used to do. I can almost feel them. But I can’t inhabit the brain of that kid. This same brain is completely different. I can’t take his position anymore. Walking home, kicking a rock, thinking of nothing but friends and that rock. How good can I become at kicking this rock?
I’m kicking different rocks.
Who was that kid? Is he still me?
I feel as though my consciousness is continuous. That my life is not too dissimilar to a story. It flows from one moment to the next, the story makes sense most of the time and I have access to all those moments. But if I pause and take this version of me and compare him to the version that existed 15 years ago, I don’t know how similar we are.