Why are emotions important?
Consciousness contorts feelings into unrecognizable shapes. The hate and anger, the sadness and fear, the happiness and love. Those made sense in the past. They guided our survival. But the heartbreak serves no meaning today. That band you were part of has expanded from a few dozen to hundreds of thousands (and many more for networking polyglots). A potential mate rejecting you means you go to the next bar, the next coffee shop, or the next very specific dating website. Leaving your group as an adult was a lot more difficult when you couldn’t drive home, or for the worst situations, to a town a thousand miles away.
The fear is misplaced in relationships and prejudices. It’s focused on public speaking instead of risks to our lives. Our emotions are largely meaningless, misappropriated relics. But they don’t have to be. I can’t intellectualize mine and probably never will, but I’m trying to understand them better. I’m trying to learn that what I feel is not necessarily important because our bodies can mislead us. We are a mishmash of conflicting desires, ideas and beliefs. Sometimes we hold them all simultaneously. The anger I feel doesn’t make sense. The sadness I feel doesn’t make sense. The love I feel is misplaced. That doesn’t make me less angry or less sad or less in love, but maybe it’ll help me realize that I can feel those things, I can feel everything, without needing to act out in any way that I may later regret. That the solutions I feel would make things better don’t line up. I think I’m fighting for survival. Or I’m saving face so I don’t lose my standing, my rank in my group. It’s a lot of misfiring. Chances are, I’ll never see any of the people around me ever again. So fuck my face.
But we need them don’t we? A touch at least. Who wants to live without passion? Who wants to live as a robot? I might as well give up now if I thought I’d never let myself feel again.
I don’t want the abolition of every emotion. I’m looking for middle ground where emotions don’t rule us completely and logic doesn’t dull us totally. But where we can see what the response is for and see how to use each one. So, maybe, we won’t be ruled by unimaginable lows or recklessly seek temporary highs.
*unedited. apologies for errors or half-thoughts.