You

I wanted you in a fairly specific way, I’m afraid. I’d like not to have to make this confession, but I couldn’t help it. I instantly found you beautiful and lost hold of myself just as quickly. I put you in a box in my head. Your existence to me was limited by my limited thinking. I ignored all the ways you excelled to focus on what I wanted to see. At best, I acknowledged your greatness to enhance my own beliefs. I was actually preventing myself from seeing the extent of beauty that existed. I wanted only you and only in the way I imagined you to be. I couldn’t break out of my own mindset. I couldn’t remove how I felt to properly examine what was happening. Or see if I was making a mistake other than shrinking you.

I’d offer you an apology but I don’t know how to word it. I’m sorry I can’t control how I feel. I did my best to hide it, to keep it to myself, but emotions eventually bubble up to the surface and I had to admit it to someone. I thought you were the best candidate. I’m trying to be honest, but I’m forced to be honest about something I wish I didn’t think. I don’t want to judge instantly. I don’t want to put definition on how the world works. But I do it all the time and I did it to you.

Hopefully, I didn’t do any damage to you, but I know I did myself some. My worldview is tiny because of how quickly I try to define it.